Hello
Leave the credits intact or you'll be dead meat. i know it's supposed to be: it's never too late to apologize, so don't try to be a smarty-ass by correcting me.
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hello world,
today was a day of mixed emotions, mainly happiness, anger, disappointment and sadness.
got up way too early for my good to get ready to meet yuwen, joshua, elizabeth, vivian and dorcas at the bugis mrt. yet somehow or another, I still couldn't catch the bus so I had to spend some money on taxi because I remembered that I must practise what I preach.
alright then we went to Mel's house for one hour or so then went to bedok to find my paternal ahma. on the way back home, I was in one of those "moods" again and freaked yuwen, joshua and elizabeth out. hahaha I don't know what happened to me either but just abruptly, I just lost control of my proper emotions and didn't bother regaining the control. plain sianess that I experienced. of course coupled with the guilt that I had.
I don't know. I know I could have handled the situation better.. it was expected that I handle the situation better, but.. I don't know. I just didn't feel like doing that. these days, I don't even get to throw my tantrum like I used to... which I kinda miss. I miss those days where I could let go and just explode and know this is exactly how I want to act and not feel a feeling of loss after that. I'm beginning to feel the effects of having to be "the mature one around here". I mean I can talk to my good friends and stuff, but it's just... you don't feel that much of a release.
and in that sense, I'm disappointed at myself for not being able to be the mature one around here. I feel that maturity isnt about an obligation but the renewing of the mind that you yourself is able to realize that you need to let go in this situation.. it shouldn't be something that you are forced to do.
there's no fair exchange between us.
happiness came when I was forced to rebuild the my proper self after I left the people. in this sense, obligation sometimes is nice, because you force yourself to retune yourself back to reality and the expectations of the world that you ignore all the current problems and put on the picture that you need to be. You force yourself not to be the wet blanket... to be the person who makes everyone upset and try your best to be like them. It's actually pretty simple, but I realize that these days, I do that all the time. haha
so then the question that arises is...
to be yourself or to be someone else for the sake of others?
until now. I can tell you, if I'm so selfless, I'll probably be mother teresa 2 =/
farewell world.
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR :D
p.s. the quiz in the previous post is koped from eeyang!